Day 2

All the world needs love, day 2 of our future.  If you don't recall Day 1 here is the link:

http://xaviotmon.blogspot.com/2012/06/love-is-all-worldneeds.html

Day 2

It wasn't as if I swept her off her feet.  She was just obsessed with me.  Possessive really.  So obsessed that she used her best friend, a stud of a man that had way more mechanical skills than me, to call another girl that went on the blind date with us (remember it was the group blind date I didn't need someone to chaperone me).  The ironic thing was that the other girl went out on a date with me just a few weeks prior and now she was essentially signing my life to another.  Not that she and I had any hope together anyway.  In fact now that I'm thinking of her I'm remembering that her sister still owes me money for when I paid for Chinese for everyone...not that I'm holding any grudges...and no I didn't take her sister on a date with me and her.

I guess I'm getting ahead of myself.  Before she sent her private detective to track down my number we had a walk on the beach.  Not the private detective and me...Tif and me.  The warm air was a surprise on an April day.  Walking on the beach I noticed something interesting.  She kept scooping down and picking up some glass.  Well my logical mind kicked in.  Oh this girl likes to clean up beaches...maybe I should.  After I shoveled wads of paper, no sanitizer (I can almost picture Crystal rocking back and forth with her clean sanitized thumb in her mouth, covering one ear with her other hand and the other ear jammed against her shoulder saying no I can't hear this...good thing it is text on a screen and not my charming voice), anyway the wads of paper, probably had some goo that was accumulated with months of decay.  Walking back to the jeep she stuck her hand out saying "Oh my Mom will love these for her stepping stones she is making."  I noticed the glass and feeling a little abashed I quickly took the wad of junk out of my pocket...I still threw it in the garbage rather than upon the ground.  At this time she still didn't have my number.  She needed me about five hours later and that was when the magnifying glass came out and the search began, by yes that stud that I believe even wore a superman shirt to the movie.  I had my number why did she need it.  I was supposed to ask for hers she now says.

So the call came and I went to a movie.  Yes it was the same movie that she went to.  I even got to sit next to her.  I had all the slyness of any junior high boy (10 years of experience or lack thereof coming into play) and moved the arm rest up placing my hand upon her arm.  Oh yeah...I'm that cool.  The warmth of her near me made my stomach do cartwheels...it was either that or the indigestion of 44 oz soda with buttery popcorn, actually the soda and the buttery popcorn were not mixed when I consumed them.  I was sightly disappointed that she didn't jump, due to fear, into my lap.  I can't recall much more, but that was day 2.  I may finish all the days before I die.

The Journey

At popular request I have been asked to blog.  I don't know why.  I post comments about once every two years.  It isn't as if I leave you on a cliffhanger of my life or that you are waiting for the next installment as if you are desiring to know what happened to Kyle in that final season of Kyle XY.  If you are at the edge of your John's life seat, I believe that you might need to seek medical help.  I know a retired therapist that I can hook you up with. 

That being said I will enlighten you on my life.  For those of you that don't know me, how did you find this blog, and for those of you that do know me you might notice a difference.  Sure it isn't as big as my wife, but it is significant.  For the past six years, at my yearly doctor’s appointment (no not mental), I would be told that I needed to lose weight.  One thing that I thought was how absurd it was that the doctor telling me this when he needed to lose weight of his own.

In November of 2012 I attended an Advocare conference.  My wife bought into the stuff shortly before this meeting and I flipped out at her.  At the meeting they gave me a drink called Spark.  At first I was concerned that the back of my shirt would start ripping off while developing a green tint and an anger issue.  After my third cup full I didn't develop a green tint, but I was bouncing off the floor.  Even so I didn't buy into the stuff.  Sure I could think a little clearer, but I wasn't studying for an upcoming actuary exam so my mind was already 83% clear (or at least empty).

2013 begins and so does the journey.  It wasn't always easy and it wasn't a straight down slope of weight loss, like the 2008 stock market, but it was worth it.  At the beginning of this year I believed that bicep curls were bringing a quarter pounder to my mouth.  It always made me feel good, because I felt like I got stronger as the burger got lighter.  I would avoid going out in the sun like the plague.  Whenever I tied my shoes I needed an oxygen mask from the physical exertion.  In terms of one of my supervisors I was “allergic to the gym.”  I was in a bad spot.  Drinking over a 100 ounces of diet coke I took the 2011 slogan for coca cola “life begins here” to my life might end near.

Yes I bought into the product and the transformation began.  I exercised on a daily basis and I washed out the diet coke in my veins with 128 ounces of water a day.  I learned that planks and boats weren't something that went together with Captain Hook, but were actual positions for your core.  I’m still waiting to find out what the crocodile position is and I now know that downward dog is a position that can be done in public. 

During this year in the words of my lovely wife “And now I'll toot John's horn a little. He has lost 30.8 pounds and 32 inches also! Again, much of that has been this year. He's been working hard!”  So was the money worth it, yes.  I can finally bench my weight again and do more than one half a pull up.  And now at this point no longer is becoming healthy something that my doctor told me to do, like President Uchtdorf said in last night’s priesthood session, it is something that I want to do.  My supervisor in Boston is impressed with my transformation.  He commented that I sent the weight to him.  To which my manager replied never open an e-mail attachment from John.  Well if I could send an attachment to health I would do so and I hope that we all can change for the better.

Before:

After:

To my love

My alarm sings, “Another One Bites the Dust,” for about 10 seconds before my mind becomes aware of a newly forming bruise from my sweet heart.  Okay this wasn’t this morning, but it is many and for all those that have to deal with a spouse that can’t awake even if the building was crumbling to the ground around the plush bed, my wife sympathizes for you.  Actually I should be the one sympathizing for those that wake up with bruises due to their inability to escape the dreams of a soft pillow.  I don’t sympathize with those that wake up with bruises, behind the steering wheel of the car (trying to determine if it is even theirs) after their last purchase on Black Friday; honestly you shouldn’t of stayed in that line, outside Best Buy, with the crazy haired, lunatics that leave their house twice a year (the other being the 4^th of July when they get to blow up what they bought last November), for the 64 inch 3-D television that will probably be extinct in two years anyway, just in time for you to spend a night outside for another.  Yes I've done that; well I guess not for a 64 inch T.V. actually just to say in the future that I've done that...pathetic.

Okay so this blog isn’t about the pains of an unconscious mind struggling through the first waking moments of a bitter/sweet new day.  Actually, it is more on the romantic side.  You see this is the 19^th of October…or at least it is on the West Coast.  What’s the significance of that, honestly I have no idea, however it does seem like a great time to talk about Her.  Oh yes that one with the capital H.  Not Tonya Harding, even though my wife learned today that she learned how to skate at the ice rink located at the Lloyd Center in Portland.  No this is about my wife.  You see this person is truly the love of my life.  Indeed you can toss out the Math books, throw away the pension plans (of course with our society that is already happening), and yes even get rid of all my video games; because none of that compares to the beauty that is in my life.

I have been reflecting on the joy…and bruises…(okay so I really have never received a bruise from her in my life, please don’t be contacting the battered husband hotline in my behalf) this evening.  She is out spending some quality time with friends, at a fitness camp thing (whatever happened to just going to the movies), this evening and my daughters are out with their Aunt and Uncle…thus in the silence of my home my thoughts wander to her.  Each of you should be envious.  This woman is worth more than the fracking oil from North Dakota (I just wanted to use that word outside Battlestar and almost in a correct sentence).  She is so caring and considerate to me and for some odd reason loves me for who I am and not for how many Big Macs I can bench press (about 470 by the way).  Most of all she loves our children and loves to teach them right and wrong.  She really is truly the one for me and will be forever.  And for that I post my love for her.

Anguish of the Soul

My tears fell like the rain drops from the sky.  I shouted to the heavens above wishing that the God I believed in would listen to me.  However, I know it was for naught, at least in this mortal realm.  I like Hamlet in anguish cried “for in that sleep of death, what dreams may come.”  And so my anger was here, my dread, and my sadness. 

I had the opportunity to watch the priesthood session of general conference from April of 1983.  Jeffrey R. Holland, while President of BYU was speaking.  My wife sat next to me as I started the next talk, his son, who followed him.  Luckily she got up and left the room before Matthew S. Holland completed his talk.  I didn't want her to see the tears I shed and for the next hour would continue to shed, while shouting to a God who I wanted so desperately to listen to me.  I know her trials and her attitude toward a talk yesterday.  I didn't need her to see me in my anguish of soul.

But here I am, writing it down, for all the world to see and undoubtedly for her to read.  Why you may ask did I shed tears upon the closing of his remarks.  For he, a mere 18 year old boy, speaking to five million members said about his father, “I can honestly say we are the best of friends, and it is my fervent hope and prayer that everyone can have such a father-son relationship.”  (https://www.lds.org/general-conference/1983/04/muddy-feet-and-white-shirts?lang=eng).  Yet why do I cry for those words. 

I guess it stems back to 1991.  For me as a twelve year old, the dawn of my life as a priesthood holder, had to begin down a path of longing.  I had to deal with a divorce of my Mom and Dad.  I was ordained by my Grandpa only to have him escape the “the heart-ache, and the thousand Natural shocks That Flesh is heir to.”  Yes he passed away and I suffered a loss of not one but two Father figures in my life.  It wasn’t until I was 19 that my Father would come back into my life.  Sure there was the solid figure of my Uncle Ken, he taught be how to be a hard worker.  I will be forever grateful that he was there for me and I can never express, to him, the magnitude, of how much he means to me.  However, I didn’t have the father figure with the priesthood in my life.  Of course I’m overjoyed with my Father now; however, during my teenage years I would often shout out “why hast thou forsaken me.”

Fast forward to 2011 and therein lies the bitter end, of a chance for me, in this mortal realm, to be an example to my Son.  Thus my tears fell and in anguish I cried to heaven.  A heaven that I felt has forsaken me at times.  To hear a son say that he wished “that everyone can have such a father-son relationship,” pained me. 

After 2007 and 2010 I still had hope, but the door is closed now.  I know I have two wonderful girls with me right now.  I know that I am so much luckier than those that can’t have kids at all.  I know that there is a possibility of adoption.  However, I won’t have a son; one of my own blood; with my intelligence and humility haha.  I feel foolish sometimes with that wish, but it is a sorrow I have to deal with.  I know that there are probably thousands like me in similar circumstance and it is hard for me to find the comfort that I need at times. 

And so I shouted, I cried, I screamed, I cried…and yes it all occurred while I was in the shower washing my tears away.  True, my afflictions are not as bad as Job.  What can I do more?  Oh we shall see and hopefully one day I will feel that joy that I so desperately want here on earth.  I continue to strive to be better.  And I continue to cherish that lovely woman who has come into my life and bears my burdens with me.  The spiritual giant in my life that teaches my children the scriptures so well.  Yes we will hold each other and cry with each other and hopefully one day will be healed.  There will be happy days ahead.

How We Met

Love is all the world needs.  

In a week, eight years ago, I faced my wife and, without forcing her, neither was she hypnotized (except for my exceptionable good looks), in joint agreement we were married for eternity.  These years have brought happiness, sorrow for loss, and completeness.  

Below is the story of our first meeting (hmm sounds like a good book) from my point of view...for we all know hers (which about half of what she says is fiction).  This story, to your dismay, will not contain an onion ring or me on one knee at Dairy Queen.

The first meeting, to which I cannot recall her, but she recalls me (this part wasn't fiction; I saw a photo of it).  

At a party, November 7, 2003, across from each other, we sat or so my story assumes, me in my old navy yellow shirt and Tif in her scarf, playing a name game, at an activity that I barely recall (my journal just states that "It was kind of cool" for some reason I omitted stating that within that room sat the girl that would truly make me happy and fix me dinner on holidays).  In this game we each chose a name of someone in the group.  Tif chose mine and, according to her, I chose hers every time we played a new round.  In the vast amount of cosmic universal atoms exploding all around there we were, but the time wasn't right.  You see I was dating this tiny blonde girl, named Crystal, that ultimately would be the one and only girl to dump me (yeah I just stopped calling the other ones...think bad of me now and stop reading if you want to).  In fact she dumped me the very next day and after a long discussion with Russ (my best friend), I would write of that day, "even though the day looked dark, in my mind's eye, now that darkness is gone light emerges and I'm a new man."

Five months would pass, before I would connect with the girl whose smile would be the light of my life.  To me they were filled with increasing my knowledge, passing exams, and trying to piece together the shattered remnants of my broken heart strewn across my apartment or playing video games.  To Tif they were filled with the daydreams of a young man who looked just as charming as me and owned the same name...okay…okay she probably dated somebody twice my height and didn't daydream of me at all.

We will now fast forward to March 31st.  I was told of a group date that was going to occur on April 2nd and was commanded to find a date.  This was inconvenient to me; I just purchased a new computer and was in the middle of a very important strategic assault, the annihilation of the Carthaginian Empire, on Civilization 3 Conquests.  I thought about it for a day and mentioned it to a girl I knew (rather than some random stranger in the checkout line at Fred Meyer...please note that there is not an 's' at the end of that store’s name), Trisha; I didn't really ask her to join me, and she stated "yes I might be there."  I had a serious flaw in my conversation because I omitted the concept that it was a group date and the purpose was for one male to take one female and I was asking her to be that female.  April 2nd came and Trisha asked me, "were you trying to ask me out on a group date tonight?"

"Yes" I replied.

"Oh, because someone else asked me."

"Wonderful!" I replied as a new strategy to undermine the Carthaginian Empire came into mind.  

I rushed home, after a fun filled day of Math and Physics, and booted up my computer.  Opened up Civilization 3 Conquests and gloried as my troops moved in on Carthage.  Just then the phone rang.

  

"Hey this is Clay did you find a date for tonight?"

"Oh great," I thought, he had not heard of my ultimate blunder and how I was unable to ask a girl out even though I downloaded a 30 page PDF file on "How to Ask a Girl Out On a Date in Six Words."  Yeah it took until page 29 before I realized that the six words were "Will you go out with me?" talk about keeping me on the edge of my seat.  "No." I replied.

"Well I think I might be able to get you one.  I'll call you back in five minute."

"Great," I said.  What was I a charity case; anyway I had to contemplate a strategy on how to strike a blow to the American's next.  You see I was playing as the Russians.  Five minutes went by and New York fell to my Cossacks and Crusaders, that were being continuously trained at the Knight's Templar.  To my irritation the phone rang again.  

"Hey this is Clay again.  I have a date for you, her name is Tiffany."  Bummer I was hoping that the Pizza man was calling me to inform me that they messed up my order, two days prior, and that they would have to send out a new free delivery.

"Okay see you tonight."  As I hung up I thought "of course he has a date for me.  The girls just line up."  Now remember I really had more important things than dealing with a night out on the town.  Seriously, what self-respecting person would turn off the turn based destruction of artificial empires to spend time with a girl I didn't know, who I would probably have more in common with the dust particles orbiting Venus than her and would interfere with my glorious connection with my new computer.

Well I arrived at the girls' apartment, which housed my swing dance partner and physics buddy.  Let me get one thing straight this was not the house where Tif abode.  So I sat there and waited (later to learn that I would wait for her a lot)...probably talked with some people about astronomy and how at least one out of every twenty stars had orbiting planets.  After thoroughly boring the crowd, to the extent that they were praying for Tif's arrival, she came.  Now it wasn't like the Goddess Aphrodite descending from Asherah, just about that close, and I supposed she would do for a fun night.

The date began.  Each couple had to brainstorm to come up with an idea for an outfit theme that another couple would have to dress up in at Value Village (probably found on page 72 of Fun Dates for Broke College Students).  Our idea was Sea Animals.  The theme we chose was Cowboy Hitching.  The group arrived at value village and invaded the aisles like ferocious shoppers on Black Friday, we had a time limit or at least I set one in my mind (the American's were still thriving inside my computer at home).  I noticed an old school video game of Contra and pointed it out.  To which she replied, "I love that game."  (I would later go out and buy a controller for my computer and download the emulator and game onto my computer…just in case).  Anyway, the end result can be viewed in the picture below.  How many couples have a picture of their first date?  I was a perfect gentleman and had enough spark to make her want more of me (like I said the girls lined up).  I mean seriously we were already practically engaged and hitching out of town with our bags (I guess she really wanted to get away from her family or a person that she was still dating...hmm that is for another story).

Now that I have yins hooked you will have to wait for my next installment (if it takes as long as it took to edit Liz and Erik's wedding video it might be a year so don't wait in an uncomfortable position).  My story isn't complete, for the woman that I would ditch my swing partner for (okay so my swing partner ditched me), set aside my video game addiction, throw away my book on Pickup Lines for Geeky Mathematicians (problem was only Mathematicians understood the lines) and ultimately would become my Aphrodite with just as much if not more beauty, the glory of my life and the woman that I adore, the story is just beginning.

The police will take you away

I was reading an old message I saved in my IPhone concerning a visit to Roadhouse.  Setting the stage, I got home from work and was exhausted.  The girls were convinced that we were going to Roadhouse.  Tif told them, since it was after six and I had a coupon that only worked from three to six, that the restaurant also had a bar and that the police would come and take away little kids if they were in the bar and that the parents would get in trouble.

Fast forward two days to when Tif was out of the country; one of her little escapades to Holland.  The girls and I went there and after they ate the ice cream feast, shaped like the Devil's Tower from close encounters and just as big 

the dialog began:


Keira: dad it is getting late, the police might come. 


Me: no we are fine.

Scharae: let's go!


Me: we have to pay the bill first and then we can go. 


Scharae began to have a melt down, similar to the ones that Keira had when she did not get a perfect math paper


Scharae: the police will take me away because mommy told me so...it is late and kids can't be here. 


Trying to soothe her was similar to pulling a golf ball out of a ferocious alligator's mouth, completely and utterly impossible and with the same result you lose body parts. After the tortuous screaming for about 30 minutes, okay maybe 30 seconds, she finally simmered down and as we were leaving Keira noticed a little girl in the restaurant.  When we were in the car she expressed her concern that the police were going to take that girl away (good thing she didn't shout that in Roadhouse). I told her that mom will have to clarify. Thanks Tif!

At my wife's request

Apparently I'm supposed to inform my wife that I have a blog.  She also stated that I'm supposed to update it. So that is what I'm doing ☺.


Last Sunday, June 3, I went to my cousin's wedding.  It was nice and quite interesting.  The ceremony took place at the Mystic Theatre in Petaluma CA.   I helped setup a little in the morning.  It was fun, working with Frank.  He was always thinking of about ten things at once...a little like me and also my youngest daughter.  He speaks our language.  The ceremony went well.  During the ceremony, Ben's (the groom's) Father (who was performing the ceremony) was asking Ben to repeat the vows...there was a point where he got choked up and stated Sorry...Ben repeated Sorry.  It was a tad funny.  Afterward the girls and I danced a little.  They chose to play a movie after the ceremony, but before the dancing.  Ironically the movie chosen was a TV series called "The Prisoner."  I guess now, that I know my wife is probably going to read this I better refrain from stating any additional comments.


On Monday, Memorial Day (5/28/2012) my wife and I decided to make some freezer dinners. I wanted to try a vegetable slicer that hadn't been used before to cut the onions. Prior to beginning this process I noticed an object that appeared to be applicable to the slicer but I didn't really know what to use it for. While cutting the onions I thought to myself, "this seems a little dangerous," but I just plowed on trying to get my task done. At onion number two I became a little less careful with the slicer and my fingernail got scraped off by the blade. After putting on a band aide I finally figured out that the purpose of the object, that I had quickly ignored, was for the safety of my fingers. Not only did it make my task easier but it protected me from the blades.  Similar to all the commandments...not that I don't know what they are for...but obeying them will keep me from the blades of life and of sin.


At the beginning of last month,  I went out of my comfort zone a little...more into my wife's zone.  On my commute home, May 2, there were these twenty-something going on pure foolish preadolescence guys on the train.  They kept swearing and just being loud.  At one point a lady, maybe late teens or early twenties, on the train told them to "Shut up."  So what did they do, started making comments about her and that she was this and that...not very nice.  Finally I spoke up and they got kicked off the train.  I don't usually do that.  I usually block the world out around me, especially in this case when I had a Math book on my lap.  But I had to speak up.  I recalled almost eight years ago when my wife (possibly we were engaged) and I were driving to the Nuthouse (a restaurant not because I had escaped and she was taking me back) some guy was tailing me and finally pulled into the parking lot to yell me out.  He said I was going too slow; the speedometer was broken on the car.  I was going to ignore him, but Tif had to yell back at him.  Apparently she intimidated him because he left with a two inch ego and his grape sized brain.  That was the me that did not talk back and now I speak my mind...on occasion.


Of course I speak my mind around Tif's grandpa and then stand back watching my brother-in-law and him duke it out over a conversation I started.  There are many other times that I open my mouth to say something, but get jabbed in the ribs by Tif (whether at a family gathering or church).  That's why I love her she keeps me in check.


Anyway going any further back then May will be a struggle.  It has been a difficult year with exams, but I'm making it through it.  


Today I was asked why I looked so happy...did I graduate or something.  I said yes.  He asked oh with a Master's degree.  You see I thought he was referring to church leadership...I got released two weeks ago so it seemed like a graduation of sorts.  Now I'm the humble home teacher and Gospel Doctrine Student.  In fact with my exam process I won't be graduating for at least three more years.

It is conference time again

Sitting here watching conference made me desire to write in my Journal again.  I figured I would update my blog.  We have made it past six months since the tragedy.  We are as strong as we can be.

The girls are back in school and having a blast.  Of course this also means that I'm back on the School Board full time.  Anyway, on Scharae's first day of school there was an assembly.  During this assembly the principal announced teachers by what they did when they were younger and the kids had to guess who she was speaking of.  "This teacher," said the principal, "did cross country training when younger."  Scharae has an excited look upon her face and looks at her teacher saying, "I know who it is."  "You do!" responds her teacher.  "Yes it is the Lord.  He is the one that died on the cross."  Her teacher loves it when comments like that are said.

I'm well into my studying for MLC.  I'm really not that positive on doing well this exam.  We will see, but I may have to retake it next year.  In the words of The Maze Runner "Everything will be different."  The exam will change just a little next year so I will need to get new manuals.  I believe that I will go back to the ACTEX ones.  I think I work better with that publisher.

Two weeks of sorrow

After the loss of my son all I can think of is how thankful I am that I didn't lose my wife. Life goes on. My wife's health improves. I continue to try to be better; sure I mess up sometimes, but I try to do right and get back on track. I love my wife and love her life with me.

What pain can we endure

I believe that the most difficult part of this whole experience is just knowing that the girls will ask questions when mom comes home. Her being in septic shock was very scary. Especially after reading the statistics for mortality. However, when the girls start asking about the baby boy that will never come into our home that is when my wife will shed the most tears. She spoke to them on the phone today and already shed a lot. Well we have a couple more days to prepare, and then there will be a funeral.

Can they resist?

I was in an actuary meeting today. The topic of discussion was adaptu.com and how it was created. It was a lunch and discussion. During the speech someone started opening a bag of chips. I watched my neighbors out of the corner of my eyes and I found it amusing how every single one of them had to peek a glance at the person opening the chips. I resisted but the could not.

Grand Slam

I made my first Grand Slam at the Salem Bridge Club.  My partner opened 1♣.  I had 17 points.  I made my bid of 1♠.  She raised to 3♣.  I knew that she had more than an opener and at least 6♣s.  I had 2 so I knew we had a fit.  I went to 4NT.  We did simple blackwood, although I prefer RKC.  She bid 5♥.  We had all aces.  So I pushed on to 5NT.  She bid 6♥, so we were missing a king.  I counted from my hand four winning spades, at least one heart and one diamond (aces in my hand).  I knew that we had at least 8 clubs and she had two undisclosed kings.  So I went for it all at 7NT.  A heart was played that led straight to my A, Q…but she had the K so no concern there.  I then noticed that she had a whopping 18 points and 7 clubs, headed by the A, K, Q.  Clubs broke 3 -1 and it was a lay down.  It was top board (everyone else stopped at 6 NT) and awesome.

North (dealer)

♣AKQxxxx

♦Qxxx

♥K

♠A

South

♣xx

♦AJxx

♥AQx

♠KQJx

It's the vines

I keep having this reacurring dream. My wife and I are at crescent lake and we have to scale a cliff to get down. We the search for something onthe beach and pull ourselves up via some vines. It is a struggle but we finally make it up.

If father love mother

My five year old got a monkey stuffed animal from us for Valentine's Day. She wanted to know if she was going to see me tonight in order to thank me for the gift. She then asked "what did he get you, because father is suppose to get mother something, if he loves her. Doesn't he love you?"

Do you know him?

So the family was at Baja Fresh, yesterday.  We go there every Valentine's Day or close to it as our family tradition.  We were sitting next to the door.  Two guys walk in and head towards a table to set stuff down.  My four year old daughter's face lit up and exclaimed "Mom look who it is, its those men." Both my wife and I look over there at the guys and look back at each other a little confused.  My wife asks her "Do you know those men?" "No, I just have never seen them before."

I thought that was pretty funny and then I thought of the significance of being seen.  We are told that Christ knows each of us.

Today, during the blessing of her sandwich, she said "Thank you for the food and please bless the food and the drink and Mommy." After the prayer my five year old said, "well I don't say bless Mommy in all my prayers."  To which she replied, "well she needs to be blessed."  "I know that, just I don't always say it."

From the mouth of a four year old the significance of honoring your Father and Mother and being your [Mother's] keeper is shown from this experience.  She knows what is going on.  She amazes me at how smart she is.  My gorgeous wife and I try to teach them what is right and wrong as much as we can.  I sometimes wish we can teach more.

I'm here

It was an interesting week.  Nonetheless I survived.  I've been listening to Hugh Nibley lately...my Grandma would be proud.  Listening to the lessons there was a comment that ancient civilizations, in order to prove a spiritual experience, would sniff burning bay leaves that would make them pass out.  I mentioned this to a co-worker and told her that I wanted to research that online.  She said that I shouldn't try that until after my actuary exams.  Considering I've never done anything like that I told her that I wouldn't.  I then told her that I was just curious if that could actually happen...I would never do it.  My boss had a good laugh about that.

At Subway, day before yesterday, a police officer walked in and asked the worker "whose bags are by the table."  The worker said "the lady was in the bathroom."  He asked "if she was causing any problems."  "Not today," the worker replied, "but she was causing some problems yesterday."  "Okay," he said, "we had a complaint at Starbucks."  Just then she walked out and rolled her eyes walking to her bags.  The officer asked her "how are you?"  "Horrible," she exhorted, "the worker at Starbucks stole my gloves."  They then didn't say anything for about five minutes and then she yelled at the officer, "stop harassing me."  He replied "I haven't said anything more since how are you."  "Well your harassing me," she then stomped out with her bags.  It was interesting.  I told my co-worker and she said if she started losing her mind let her know.  I told her I would make sure to find her on the streets and put her in a home.

My daughter fell down the stairs head over heals on Thursday.  Luckily she didn't injure herself.  I don't even believe the dogs were running up and down the stairs.

I have the privilege of giving a talk at the end of the month.  The verse, Genesis 4:9, "And the Lord said unto Cain, Where is Abel thy brother?  And he said, I know not: Am I my brother's keeper?"  Cain knowing perfectly well what happened to Abel, he didn't have multiple personalities or something like that, quickly lied to in answering the question.  In trying to justify his lie he adds the phrase "Am I my brother's keeper?"  The truth is that we are our brother's keeper and we best not be forgetting that.  We should "love thy neighbor as ourselves" (Matthew 22:39). and "Love [our] enemies, bless them that curse [us], do good to them that hate [us], and pray for them which despitefully use [us], and persecute [us]" (Matthew 5:44).

A wonderful example of Matthew 5:44 is found in the Book of Mormon.  Enos prayed diligently for forgiveness of his sins, all day and he didn't cease when the night came; aren't we lucky if we can even get past ten minutes of prayers...let alone hours.  A response came stating that "[his] sins [were] forgiven...and [he] shalt be blessed" (Enos 1:5).  Now he could have stopped right there and wandered on home feeling clean and pure.  However, he didn't.  In fact he proceeds to "feel a desire for the welfare of [his] brethren, the Nephites, wherefore, [he] did pour out [his] whole soul unto God for them" (Enos 1:9).  He was told that they would be visited from time to time "according to their diligence in keeping [God's] commandments," (Enos 1:10) but with a strict caution that if they fall into transgression he will "bring ... sorrow upon their own heads" (Enos 1:10). 

Now Enos had received forgiveness for his own sins and had been guaranteed, from God, that the Nephites wouldn't be forgotten; his work is done...right...he should just head on back.  No, it wasn't completed.  Remember the loving your enemies part.  He prays on.  Now recall that Enos is the son of Jacob who was the son of Lehi.  What happened to Jacob?  Well, along with the other Nephites, he was persecuted from the Lamanites.  We don't have all the records of their wars and contentions, but there were many.  Of course there was some great qualities of the Lamanites, such as their devotion to their wife, as Jacob addresses in chapter 3 of Jacob.  Notwithstanding there was still some hard feelings between the Lamanites and the Nephites.  So what would Enos think concerning this situation...love enemies...it states that he "prayed unto [God] with many long strugglings for [his] bretheren, the Lamanites" (Enos 1:11).  Wow...what dedication...what faith...do you see the being a brother's keeper in that.  Remember that the Nephites, at least Enos, was continuously trying to teach the Lamanites the truth without success...I'm sure missionaries never experience that.  So what was he praying for?  In his own words he states:

And now behold, this was the desire which I desired of [God]—that if it should so be, that my people, the Nephites, should fall into transgression, and by any means be destroyed, and the Lamanites should not be destroyed, that the Lord God would preserve a record of my people, the Nephites; even if it so be by the power of his holy arm, that it might be brought forth at some future day unto the Lamanites, that, perhaps, they might be brought unto salvation— (Enos 1:13)

If only we could be more like Enos.